Why do I write about Valentine’s Day on the V-Day?
They say this is the day when we celebrate love, but should we celebrate love every second of our life? They say it is the day when we show our love, but should we show our love in every other day too?
I stop believing in Love on Valentine’s Day a long time ago. But since then I have learned more about mutual love that promote self-growth and empathy towards others.
Today, he left me for two-day out-of-town official mission. During breakfast I told him that I was going to miss him. “It’s only one day trip,” he said. “Two days,” I made the correction. He didn’t dare to look directly at me and instead he rushed to pull up his socks, put on his shoes and went out to wait for the office car to pick him up. He never got in again and left me alone munching the dumplings that we made the night before for dinner. Oh, he thought I was going to cry …
A few hours later, he sent me several loving text messages with lots of kisses splattered on my mobile phone screen. I was touched. Last week when I was going to leave him for another out-of-town official mission, I told him several times that I was gonna miss him. He was preparing our lunch at that time … but when I arrived to pick up my luggages the meal was not cooked yet. I felt my heart melted in seconds like blocks of chocolate on the boiling hot pan; my hunger was eaten alive by a huge wave of compassion and love towards this mortal creature with a golden heart. I thought I shed tears and I said again I was going to miss him — and he told me to go without saying other words. He never, never wants to see the tears in my eyes. I know, I know … he left me alone with my breakfast this morning because he did not dare to see the tears.
I always cry when I bid goodbye to people – those who have left deep impressions in me. I cried when I had to leave my late grandma in Bandung, West Java, to return to Jakarta. I cried when one of my auntie left for Australia to seek the fortune. I cried when my housemate’s wife was about to leave us and went back to Europe. And I cried when I was about to stay alone without him, even for only one day!
There is a brief moment when the grey matter of mine would send the alert about the situation of a particular person, and it is during that brief moment that I usually decide my response. A lot of people come and go out of my life, but only a very *lucky* few stay in my heart. These few people are no angel; they are people who show good intentions towards other in many things they do. These few people are no devils; they are mortals who make mistakes here and there. But for whatever they have done to me and to others, I can see and feel that they are driven by love and enthusiasm, either towards themselves or others. It is understandable that self-love, in its most positive sense, is essential for personal growth. If we never understand how to love ourselves, how could we love other people or teach them to love? We cannot give or share something that we don’t have, can we?
And at the end of that critical moment, when I was alerted that I would be separated from this particular person, I felt like I was left in a long dark tunnel. Someone was snatched away from me and I was powerless to get him/her back. The perpetrator, call it circumstance, is merciless. I feel a hollow in my heart. My response was crying.
I miss him at this moment. Yet I believe this *temporary* hollow feeling in my heart is necessary. It gives me time to enjoy the present moment. The passing minutes in solitude is the perfect time to assemble the pieces of loving memory about him. The present moment gives ample opportunity to rake up my brain and sort out some issues in our relationships. It gives the time to forgive and to forget. It gives time to move on with life.
That is my story. Happy Valentine’s Day to those who love to love.
