My day starts out as a teary beginning. He leaves me again for home — our home. I purposely stay at the current place for a while to take care of other matters.
“Dear”, as he calls me. “You are always in my heart,” he says. No farewell, just a temporary good-bye. He’s right on the money. He says I have to adjust myself to this situation where his works demanding him to leave me for some time, sometimes. That’s the reality — at least for now.
Back from the office when the sun is almost set. I find myself alone in this big house, whose life has gone with him. I am so devastated. So many problems in the office, so many things to settle. I refuse to let them go. I break down and cry. I lost my optimism. I feel like someone has taken away my soul — someone with whom I did the small, ordinary things in life everyday — cooking lunch, preparing dinner, eating ice creams, watching two horny male fish going after a nonchalant female fish for mating, sharing the funny facts about fart then laughing loud at it and so on and so on …
I tell him later on the phone that I feel so lonely because we used to do things together and now I am on my own. He then gives a lot of instruction to keep me busy, to push me towards the reality while at the same time they pull me out of my center of gravity: my ego. While I give him headache. I store whatever he says in my memory bank, waiting for my optimism to grow again before I start another journey. Gradually I realize that I am so tired. I have been stretched to my limit today. And that’s no point to move forward only to bang my head to the wall over and over again.
It’s time to take the rest. Tomorrow is another day.
